Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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