Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize