That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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