I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
