i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
