just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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