So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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