He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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