yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
