FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
