I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
