DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
