just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
