ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
