NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
