she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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