We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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