Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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