i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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