When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
