He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I forget how to act sober
You did what with his pubic hair?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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