Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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