That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
