Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
