oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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