He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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