1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the condom got lost in my hair
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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