Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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