Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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