I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
