And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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