just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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