If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
