We're facebook friends in real life
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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