No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
