well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
