five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i have two assholes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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