my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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