I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
