We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
