ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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