I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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