What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
pray to the hookup gods
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
