I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
