bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
