Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
