Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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