Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!