K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
