Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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