I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
