U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
