Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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