David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
