That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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