May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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