no, he came in my armpit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
