i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
