i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
