I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
