I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
