Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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